What’s In A Name…

It’s been well over a month. Why? No good reason. Partly because I’ve been a bit lazy, partly because of a fairly rubbish period at work. I did write something a few weeks back about how concerning I was finding the Comprehensive Spending Review, but something went wrong (technical difficulties = I was an idiot) and I lost about 1000 words that I didn’t have the heart to try to remember, so depressing was I finding the whole thing. And anyway, it was better commented upon by the brilliant Johann Hari in The Independent.

So! There’s currently – and this won’t surprise – much debate under our roof about what to call this little boy or girl when it arrives. With this comes a fairly mind-blowing process of elimination: there are the names that you like, which sound awful with your surname, and just don’t roll of the tongue; then there are those you like, but fear would be too much like hard work for the child once it gets to school age. For us, Jude (for a boy) is one such name. The idea that a handful of schoolkids would go around upsetting our little Jude by calling him “Judeeee” is just completely out of the question for us. I’m fully aware of how stupid that sounds, but there you have it, this is how it’s going right now – our rationale is being set by some imaginary 5-year olds. And there are even more considerations. What about ‘family’ names; or rather, the point when you find out that your wife HATES your dad’s name, coincidentally around about the same time that she finds out that you HATE her Mum’s name (even though in actual fact, you don’t – you think it’s lovely). Or the names that are already taken. I mean, there are only so many you can reasonably go with if you’re not a famous 1970s rock star, and your family and friends have already taken them, I find. There’s one name I’d quite like to use, but if I do, there’s a friend who’s really going to misjudge the affection I have for him. So, obviously, me being a male North Westerner in his 30s – that name is out.

It gets even more bewildering at the point where animals get involved. Our last dog, Jake died a year ago; and I’d love that name, and it does go with my surname but, like, am I really going to have a son named after my dead dog? Nah. Why I didn’t consider keeping the name in reserve when we bought the dog I’ll never know, though I suspect my priorities were a bit more shall we say interesting then. I discussed this considerable problem with a colleague a few days ago, and he told me the best story: when his wife was pregnant they as a couple were settled on either Jack for a boy, or Kate for a girl. Two weeks before the baby was due to arrive my colleagues’ dad bought a dog and called it…. Kate. When Son confronted Father about this he was told ‘it’s just a name I liked – I just kept hearing it, and thought it sounded nice for a dog’. To which Son replied ‘yes, you kept hearing me and your Daughter in-law say it. It’s our name!’. Father told Son to stop being daft, and to just still use the name – nobody was likely to confuse a baby and a dog. Son couldn’t get Father to see how wrong that was, and this resulted in a fraught final two weeks of the pregnancy, Son’s wife being “all hormones and excitable”, until thankfully a boy was born. I say “thankfully” because they were adamant on keeping the name Kate had it been a girl, and were debating keeping Grandad and his dog at a distance.

Anyway, having wrestled with all of the above madness, we’re settled on one boy and one girl name. This will probably change though…

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